SEN DIŞINDA HERKES BİLİR

10 Nisan 2019 / Yorumlar (21.488)

Genel

Son günlerde dikkat ettiyseniz bir baskıdır almış başını gidiyor. Sürekli bir kambur, bir yükle yaşamaya mı alıştık? Yoksa içten içe bunu seviyor muyuz? Kontrol altında tutulmak mı aslında bizi mutlu eden? Ya da bunun altında gizlenen mutsuzluğumuz mu? Her şeyin bir adabı, bir üslubu var olmasına var ama kime, neye göre doğru?
Yargı dağıtmak, her şeyi en doğru bilmek ve karşısındakine ‘sen yanacaksın’ hissini vermek..
Veya 3 kişilik bir masada 1 kişinin kalkmasını beklemek mi gerçek yüzümüzü ortaya koymak!..
At gözlükleriyle yaşamak ve kendince bir doğruya şuursuzca sarılmak mı?
Herkes itinayla herkesi eleştirir oldu. Daha ilginciyse bunu kendine hak görür oldu. ‘’Dikkatli ol, aklını alırım” edasıyla üstten bakışlar pek moda oldu… ‘ı’ harfinin üstüne nokta koymazsan istediğin ‘i’ harfinin bir önemi kalmaz oldu. Çünkü ‘SEN’ dışında herkes bilir oldu. Oldu da oldu…

Belki de takdir edilme ihtiyacıydı bizi bağımlı yapan. Sürekli takdir edilmek. Takdir edilmek için yaşamak.

Gerçekten mutsuz muyuz acaba? Mutsuzluk bulaşıcı değilse mutlaka aktarmanın bir yolunu mu arıyoruz? Yoksa mutsuzluk aktarımıyla mı mutlu olmayı seçiyoruz?
Evet, bence her şeyin asıl nedeni bu. Mutsuzluğa bağımlı bir mutluluk!

“Ben mutsuzsam sende ol. Sen mutsuz ol ki ben mutlu olabileyim.” Hiç fena fikir değil!..
Sen benim ile ilgili kötü bir şey isteme. Çünkü sen hak ediyorsun ama ben etmiyorum.

Kime sorarsanız “Ne gelirse başıma iyi niyetimden, temiz kalbimden geliyor” der. Evet hepimiz iyiyiz özümüzde. Peki bu kin, bu nefret, bu aşağılama nereden geliyor?
Biz insanoğlu doyumsuz varlıklar olarak yaratıldık. Bu doğru. Neye doyumsuz olmaktı yaratılışımızdaki asıl amaç? Kaçımız sorguluyor bunu? Öz ile söz arasındaki doğru orantı ile özünde ne kadar iyiyse kişi, sözünde o kadar kırıcı bir hâl aldı.

Çocuklarım büyüyor ve onlar büyüdükçe benim ödüm kopuyor. Son bir kaç senedir tamamıyla kendimi es geçtiğimi anladım.
Mutsuzluğu isteme hali bir tek biz yetişkinlerde değil, çocuklarımıza da bulaştı.
Duyar oldular konuşmalarımızı, daha iyi anlar, idrak eder oldular.
Yetişkinlerin tebessümden yoksun, zor anlardan pay çıkaran dünyasında yetişen çocuklar… Ya da mutsuzlukla beslenen mi demeli? Çocuklarımızı bu değişime zorlayan bizleriz aslında.

Çocuklarımıza iyi ol derken ne kadar iyiyiz? Lafta hep iyi olan biz ebeveynler karne zamanı bile kıyasa gitmiyor muyuz en basit örneğiyle? Evet çocuklarımın büyümesi beni korkutuyor çünkü mutsuzlukla mutlu olan bir dünyanın insanlarıyız. Kendi evimizi bundan korumaya gücüm yeter belki ama ya diğer evler?
Düşünün… Çocuğunuz maçtan çıkmış gelmiş yanınıza. Ne sorardınız? “ Maç nasıl geçti? Kaç gol attınız?” ve elbette “Sen hiç gol attın mı?”. Bu sorular gayet masum ve makul aslında. Ancak çocuğunuz “Ben bugün hiç gol atmadım.” dediği an işin rengi değişiyor. İç dünyasında yetersiz olan anne ya da baba, gol atamayan çocuğuna ne yazık ki bu ağır yükü yüklüyor. Ve geriye sadece lafta kalan bir iyilik hali kalıyor. Ne de olsa başa ne gelirse iyilikten geliyor ya!

Sonra ne mi oluyor? Hastalıklı duygular, depresif haller, sağlıksız ilişkiler miras kalıyor çocuklara. Nesilden nesile aktarım başlıyor. Bir devir daim gibi ancak zaman geçtikçe daha da çoğalıyor, büyüyor tüm o yükler. Doğru olmayı değil, başkalarının hatalarından zevk almayı öğreniyor büyüklü küçüklü herkes. Sonra her bir kişi, her şeyi en çok BİLİYOR, ondan başkası bilmiyormuşçasına. Bu noktada korkum, çocuklarımın-çocuklarımızın mutsuz olması değil! Mutsuzluktan mutlu olabilme ihtimalleri! Başkalarının yanlışlarına içten içe sevinebilme halleri korkutuyor gözümü.

Belki bir gün…
Geleceği gerçekten mutlu olabilenlere bırakırız.
Bir sonraki yazıya kadar bazen mutsuzluk, çoğu kez mutlulukla kalın. 🙂

Ya da bir sonraki yazıya kadar İYİ kalın…

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